Thursday, November 3, 2011

This is sort of where I've been lately. A compilation of ideas that stem from me no longer being interested in the rules and rituals of this world. Politics, Medicine, Education, Consumerism, etc... these are all things taking up space in my head. It's no longer acceptable to be described in multiple characteristics, you have to be a thing and hold a title. I'm not longer interested in this. I don't want to be a thing, I want to be a human being. I'd like to function under my God-given motives, emotions, and needs. Instead, I'm shoving down anti-depressants so I can cope with this set of rules so as to not throw things at others.

No, I'm not making any sort of suicidal remarks with this, I'm expressing an alternative or even a compromise. There has got to be a way to shift focus to one's self. Most therapies used in the U.S. are person-centered, meaning that the client is going to run most of the conversation, because that's how issues will be resolved and brought to the surface. But once you walk out that door 50 minutes later, the world no longer cares about your needs and emotions. Fuck, it just wants your money and time.

And I realized, once again, that I am very capable of making myself physically sick after being emotionally sick for a few days. Ever read the Scarlet Letter? I had no doubt in my mind that that clergyman developed his own mark on his chest. The body is capable of some fucked up things.

Needs of instilling some sort of time-frame for myself to do what I need to do and still take care of myself. It will take some schedule fanaggling, but I'd like to give it a try.